According to marriage and family therapist Erica Curtis, a relationship is marriage material when a couple is able to cope together, knowing they can rely on each other through the ups and downs of life. This is in line with a study from the Journal of Marriage and Family which found that couples who have similar fighting styles, particularly constructive and calm communication approaches, have the lowest divorce rates.
A couple who fights well together loves well together. A recent study found that while looks, wealth and charisma are what initially reels someone in, what makes someone stay for the long-term is accepting your partner's idiosyncrasies. While some people may leverage a partner's quirks as negative qualities in fights, a compatible partner learns to adore your confounding love for marmalade or squeaky, high-pitched laugh. As Robin Williams' character said in Good Will Hunting , "People call those imperfections, but no, that's the good stuff.
While the dating world, especially dating sites, like to have us believing what makes for a last relationship is compatibility i.
It's when couples start looking at what they don't have in common, that things can get off track. They won't be clingy or demanding of your time. Someone who requires constant attention and reassurance could make marriage more difficult. An independent person is strong, confident, and not afraid to be alone. An independent person is:. Independence ensures that each partner is capable of taking care of themselves.
However, they are also able to give and ask for support when it is needed. People who are able to take care of themselves are also in a better position to give care, attention, and support when you need it. Understand that some interdependency is healthy. However, they also know how to reach for each other when they need emotional support. Look for a person who remains reasonably calm in stressful situations—someone who is not frustrated by every minor issue.
This does not mean they will never get upset, but they have the strength and maturity to manage their emotions. Emotional regulation and availability are also important. This emotional give-and-take helps foster a deeper, more intimate connection between two people.
A good partner is one who is willing to be open and share emotions in a steady, level-headed way. This quality also plays a key role in communication , which is essential in any good relationship. Rather than butting heads over issues and leaving problems to fester, healthy communication promotes resolutions that help both partners feel happier.
You should also feel that they are a good resource for times when you might be under stress. A great partner is someone who thinks not only of you but of others as well. Pay attention to how they treat the people in their lives, from their peers to their parents to the people they encounter in everyday life. It's great if they treat the people they are close to well—but how they treat casual acquaintances and strangers also reveals a lot about a person's character.
A thoughtful partner:. Research suggests that having a partner who is kind, gentle, and understanding is linked to lower marital conflict and higher marital satisfaction. If you choose the wrong college, or career, or house, or cell phone, you can recover from those mistakes. It may take a little money or effort, but you can still get back on the best possible path for your life.
But if you marry the wrong person, particularly if you then add kids to the mix, you may never fully recover. Each of them has said it was the most depressing, soul-wrenching experience of their lives. Sometimes the divorce made them stronger, but it was a workout they wished they could have skipped. So divorce is bad and best avoided. You guys are going to be together forever. In all of human history, guess how many marriages have had no major conflicts or challenges?
How many young brides and grooms keep the exact same interests, values, physical shape, and personality for the next few decades? How many couples share precisely the same goals for the rest of their lives? None of them. I knew that going in. While my girlfriend and I seemed really compatible and had loads of fun together, I knew marriage would bring stress and challenges.
I needed to build a decision tree. The most important decision tree of my life. I considered all of the good and bad things that could happen and assigned them probabilities, which I concede sounds a bit unromantic…. Things like kids, career, and finances were the biggest items, but there were so many things to consider, and so many potential paths to go down.
It took a long time, but I finally had all of the topics and questions identified. The hard work was done. Now I just needed to run it by my lady.
And she liked it! I found writing this stuff is actually encouraging. So I had a great idea, but I may not have been as sensitive or clever as needed in communicating it.
I was ready to be a husband. Overall, it showed that we were really compatible. Or, in the language of romance, it revealed a high probability for a successful marriage. However, anything that could be encountered in a marriage should be discussed; making bad assumptions and then discovering a vast gulf on a critical matter can completely erode the foundation of your marriage. Is that a minor setback, or a life crisis?
What if the wife wants to adopt, but the husband says no way? The key is to uncover the important things you need to know before marriage. If there are potential issues here, agree on ground rules to minimize conflicts. But this is an area that brainstorming together will help any couple. Just figuring out when you open Christmas presents could be a landmine. For reference, the correct answer is: immediate family on Christmas Eve, Santa and other family on Christmas Day. That seems like a really bad way to start a marriage.
You know you both want kids and expect to split the child care equally. Or maybe you know you both want kids and he wants to take extended paternity leave. Maybe you've also agreed that you should each get 45 minutes to yourself to go to the gym every day, or you plan to buy a home and move to the suburbs in five years.
You know you're on the same page with things that matter most to you because you've discussed them. He works hard at his job, but you're his priority. If you ask him to go to an event that's important to you, he's not afraid to step out of the office to accompany you.
He'll figure out a way to get his work done, just as you would do for him.
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